Monday, February 21, 2011

For the Lulz

So I found a site that offers personalized books... apparently it's nothing new. Anyway, It's HILARIOUS. So bad. I had to try it:

At a dance, Jime WitandSass is amused to be rejected by Mr. Jammer-of-the-Sinn-Jammers
...Jack Jammer-of-the-Sinn-Jammers soon drew the attention of the room by his fine, elegant person, handsome features, noble mien with keen, intelligent blue eyes, and the report, which was in general circulation within five minutes after his entrance, of his having ten thousand a year. The gentlemen pronounced him to be a fine figure of a man, the ladies declared he was much handsomer than his friend Mr. Peachybutts, and he was looked at with great admiration for about half the evening.
     Mr. Peachybutts, who was good-looking and gentlemanlike, with easy, unaffected manners, had soon made himself acquainted with all the principal people in the room; he was lively and unreserved, danced every dance, and talked of giving a dance himself at Netherfield. Such amiable qualities must speak for themselves. What a contrast between him and his friend! Mr. Jammer-of-the-Sinn-Jammers danced only once with his friend's sister, declined being introduced to any other lady, and spent the rest of the evening in walking about the room, speaking occasionally to one of his own party.
     Thus his character was decided. He was the proudest, most disagreeable man in the world, everybody hoped that he would never come there again, and not all his large estate in Derbyshire could then save him from having a most forbidding, disagreeable countenance, and being unworthy to be compared with his friend.
     Amongst the most violent against him was Mrs. WitandSass, whose dislike of his general behaviour was sharpened into particular resentment, by his having slighted one of her daughters.
     Jime WitandSass had been obliged, by the scarcity of gentlemen, to sit down for two dances; and during part of that time Mr. Jammer-of-the-Sinn-Jammers had been standing near enough for her to overhear a conversation between him and Mr. Peachybutts, who came from the dance for a few minutes, to press his friend to join it.
     "Come, Jammer-of-the-Sinn-Jammers," said he, "I must have you dance. I hate to see you standing about by yourself in this stupid manner. You had much better dance."
     "I certainly shall not. You know how I detest it, unless I am particularly acquainted with my partner. At such an assembly as this it would be insupportable. Your sisters are engaged, and there is not another woman in the room whom it would not be a punishment to me to stand up with."
     "I would not be so fastidious as you are," cried Peachybutts, "for a kingdom! Upon my honour, I never met with so many pleasant girls in my life as I have this evening; and there are several of them you see uncommonly pretty."
     "You are dancing with the only handsome girl in the room," said Mr. Jammer-of-the-Sinn-Jammers, looking at Miss Sweatee WitandSass.
     "Oh! she is the most beautiful creature I ever beheld! But there is one of her sisters—the charming black-haired young lady sitting behind you. She is very pretty, and I dare say very agreeable. Do let me ask my partner to introduce you."
     "Which do you mean?" and turning round, he looked for a moment at Jime, till catching her eye, he withdrew his own and coldly said, "She is tolerable; but not handsome enough to tempt me; and I am in no humour at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men. You had better return to your partner and enjoy her smiles, for you are wasting your time with me."
     Mr. Peachybutts followed his advice. Mr. Jammer-of-the-Sinn-Jammers walked off; and Jime remained with no very cordial feelings towards him. She told the story among her friends, however, with great spirit and dancing black eyes; for she had a lively, playful disposition, which delighted in anything ridiculous....

Oh God, my side hurts, too funny!

The link:
There are various books to choose from... some teen twilight, some crazy sexy, boy oh boy!


  1. HA!!!! Peachybutts and Jammer-of-the-Sinn-Jammers. ROFLMAO. Not an Austen fan, but would love PandP if those were the names.

  2. LOVED ny dean-ivan shortie!
    Thanks for the lulz!!